For the past year I have been on the journey to get VSG, vertical sleeve gastrecomy surgery. It has been a very long and complicated road that I meant to journal along the way. I did take notes, and eventually I may write it all out. It has been extremely helpful for me to do research and find other people who have gone through the process, and I would love to be able to provide that to others who are also going on this adventure. However, every insurance and surgeon has different requirements so knowing exactly what to expect is something that has been a big struggle.

I’ve chosen to start writing about it now because tomorrow is a critical appointment for me. A year ago I saw my primary doctor for the referral to the surgeon. Once she approved me to go through the process for bariatric surgery my insurance required me to have three physical therapy appointments, six appointments with a nutritionist, and a psycological evaluation. After completing those steps I was finally able to have a consulation appointment with my surgeon, and get set up to go through her pre-surgery requirements. See why I was saying it’s been a long and complicated road? I can dive deeper into those steps later, it’s tomorrow I need to focus on now.

When I finally got to the consulation with my surgeon, I was very excited to meet her. So excited, I didn’t ask for the very specific breakdown of next steps that I needed. She did agree with me that VSG is the best choice for me, and very thouroughly explained the program. I feel very lucky to be with the surgeon I chose, she has a lot of support for her patients. Part of that is her nutritionist. Even though I already had six appointments with a nutritionist per my insurance requirements, these appointments are to get me very prepared for my pre and post surgery diet.

At my first appointment with the nutritionist I explained to her I’m very anxious about the unknown, and that I need very specific information about what the next steps are. She was great about it, and comisserated with me. As we went through all of the information about the process, she let me know the doctor set a weight loss goal for me of 10 pounds, which was changed to 13 since I’d gained that in the month between those two appointments. I had one month until my next appointment. That appointment is tomorrow.

I am very nervous because I am not sure if I will make that goal weight, and what will happen if I don’t. If I have made that goal, then we will move forward with the presurgery appointment and the surgery itself. Not making the goal likely means another month of waiting. I feel so ready to move on to the next part. I really want to have made that goal and move on to the next step when I get to that office tomorrow afternoon.

What I am mainly beating myself up about currently is that I came out the gate after getting that goal with an extreme level of confidence. I was provided with a guide for what to eat and what I should spend this month doing, and I did that. But, when I get on my scale at home it has been slow to move, if at all. Initially, I was sure I could lose 15 pounds, and crush the goal. Now that the appointment is tomorrow I don’t think I’ve made it and I feel like I’ve failed myself.

Yes, I understand that it’s okay, that my journey doesn’t end at the scale tomorrow afternoon, and I can confidently say I did the best that I could this past month to reach the goal set for me. I can also confidently pick apart all of my choices, and analyse what I should have done better. But, I can’t go back. I can only move forward. Whatever the outcome is tomorrow, I am still one step closer to weight loss surgery, and hopefully a healthier, fitter life. I am definitely anxious, but overall I am so happy with all of the progress that I’ve made so far.